Your courage asks me what I am afraid of, Your courage asks me what I am made of...

Sara Groves - I Saw What I Saw

This song was posted by a close friend of mine on facebook today. I listened to it over and over again for about 40 minutes. I cried every time I listened to it. It spoke so deeply to me. This line, your courage asks me what I am afraid of, spoke right to my core. I hear that line and I think of the dreams I feel God has put in my heart and I'm unsure why so many of them remain un-pursued. What is it that holds us back from going after what our heart truly wants? Is it fear of rejection? Is it fear of failure? Is it fear of not being enough? I think more than anything it's the fear of not being enough or being too much of myself and not enough of God. Do I really have what it takes to pursue what God calls me to do? Am I going to have to go on this journey by myself? Where do I even begin?

There are so many questions that I ask myself that just hold me back. These aren't even questions that necessarily need answers. They are mostly questions that I shouldn't listen to. These are the moments when I will choose to tell my brain that it doesn't know what's best for me. I mean, what if I'm not enough? Does that question really need to be answered? At least, does it need to be answered before I begin any kind of journey that leads me to pursue my dreams?

These are the moments that I believe that God says, we have to step out in faith. Follow his leadership and know that each step of the way he will be by  my side moving me forward.

God,

It frightens me to pursue my dreams. I don't know where to start. I am so afraid that I'm going to do it all wrong. I've stopped taking risks in my life. I have been keeping myself safe instead of pursuing a life of truly living. Teach me to love more than I've ever loved and show me my true self so I know the dreams you've placed in my heart. Show me the risks I need to start taking so I can be who you've called me to be. I pray that your holy spirit will fill me with your qualities that I need. Love, patience, kindness, the things that I struggle with. Show me who you want me to be so I can love and be kind to those that I've been hurtful to. I pray that you forgive me for having a angry heart and melt it so that I am loving to those I come in contact with. Show me the choices I need to make to become the person you want me to be. What choices do you want me to make?

Please be with those I love and those I don't know. I pray that your love will be known by all the people that hate you or don't want anything to do with you. Please show them your love. Help me to show them your love.

I love you,

Rachel

Day 1: Spending time with God

Reading Mark 1-4

Verses that spoke to me:
Mark 1:4-8: John the Baptizer..preaching a baptism of life-change that leads to forgiveness of sin....8: I'm baptizing you to turn your old life in for a kingdom life. His baptism - a holy baptism by the Holy Spirit - will change you from the inside out. When John is baptizing it is so people leave behind their old life and live a changed and holy life. However when Jesus baptizes us, he changes us instead of us trying to change. He changes our hearts. 

 Mark 1:40:  A leper came to Him, begging on his knees, "If you want to, you can cleanse me." Deeply moved, Jesus put out his hand, touched him, and said, "I want to. Be clean." When I read this I think of how much compassion Jesus has for me, for all of us. It's like a little child coming to his mommy and saying, Mommy, if you want to clean my owie, you can. And what mother wouldn't want to clean up her son's owie??? I mean, it's just pure love spoke so simply. Lord, if you want me to be whole and clean, you can clean me. To me, this very is pretty powerful. 

Mark 2:15-17: Jesus and his disciples were at home having supper with a collection of disreputable guests. Unlikely as it seems, more than a few of them had become followers. The religion scholars and Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company and lit into his disciples: "What kind of example is this, acting cozy with the riff-raff?" Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I'm here inviting the sin-sick, not the spiritually-fit." 

Mark 3:4: Then he spoke to the people: "What kind of action suits the Sabbath best? Doing good or doing evil? Helping people or leaving them helpless?" I feel like Jesus is really talking about having a heart of service in these last verses. Serving those that need to be loved and serving whenever we see someone in need. It's not just about when the time is most convenient, or whether or not we're following rules/norms. It's about loving and serving people. Maybe this is what Sundays should be about, days of service. Not just relaxing with the family, but serving those that need your love, including serving your family.

Mark 4:20: But the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word, embrace it, and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams." Opening myself up to hear God's word and being good soil so that I can live the life God calls me to live, which is much bigger than I could ever imagine. Becoming good soil, is just about asking God to make us good soil; Just like Mark 1:40 - If you want to, you can cleanse me. I want to. 

Lord, 

Thank you for giving me direction for my life and showing me the next steps in living a life that you want me to live. Please keep showing me the direction you want me to go and make the me open to hear your Word and really let it sink into my life to change me to be who you want me to be. Help me to serve you, serve my family and those around me, and show compassion to those that you are showing compassion to. Show me how to live like you want me to live and be brave enough to pursue what you want me to pursue. 

Again, please change me and open me up to become the person you want me to be. Please open my heart to hear specifically what you're saying to me in my life. I know that the things I read out of Mark might not be what someone else would read, but I pray that I will remember the things you're speaking to me. 

I lift up this little baby growing in my belly and I pray that you will keep him or her strong and safe. I pray that you will show the plan you have for him or her and keep this little one close to you and feeling your presence. Please teach me to be the kind of mom you want me to be. And give both Mike and I the love you have for this baby. Please show us how to take care of our family. 

Please also show me how to serve Safe-Families. Guide me to submit my heart fully to you while I go on this journey and I pray that you are the strength that I rely on when I'm tired and help me to give everything I am and do to you. 

Please touch those that I love and bless them. Please use me to be a blessing in their life. And no matter who we are, I pray that when we ask you to cleanse us that you will want to and make us new people; more like you. 

I love you and I'm excited to grow closer to you. I hope that you speak to me and change my life. Help me to bring everything I have to you and pray continuously. 

Love, 

Rachel -  

Goals for the month of March

Lately I have felt a lack of purpose. I'm hopeful that I'm not the only one that has experienced that feeling... I just found out I am pregnant (9 weeks to be exact!) and I'm so excited! With this comes numerous changes and uncertainty of what life looks like after baby. I'm excited to be a mom and be home with my little one, I'm just not sure how it looks to still have purpose in my life to achieve the things God puts on my heart. I want my little ones to see a mom who is strong and full of life and purpose; a mover and a shaker, changing the world. I want to be an example of who they can become as they grow and move towards a life fully living with God.

To recapture my purpose I have set two goals for the month of March: 1) Spend 30 minutes or more with Jesus everyday - reading the word and praying. 2) Volunteer 30 hours or more in the month of March to an organization I believe in.

I set these goals on Sunday right before I had a phone call with a group of people that I speak with on a weekly basis. We set goals together and make requests of God regarding how we want to live our lives. This week there were only two people on the call. I began to share with my teammate the goals I wanted to set in March. I told her about my goal to volunteer for 30 hours and that this week I was going to find an organization to volunteer with. She got goose bumps all over! She said she had a feeling that whoever I was supposed to volunteer with would contact me. The next day, out of the blue, an organization ran through our church emailed me about volunteering with Safe-Families. Safe-Families is an organization that matches volunteers with a foster family. The volunteers care for the foster children and build relationships with the parents to help the parents work through the struggles they are facing so they can have their children back in the future. I let her know that I couldn't be a volunteer to take in a child at this time because my husband and I are planning to move in the next month or two, however I'd love to volunteer 30 hours or more throughout the month of March. She was ecstatic! We have a meeting next week and I am so excited to begin to volunteer. This is going to be an exciting adventure and I know is going to have a major impact on my life. I truly feel that this work is moving me in a direction of clarity in my purpose in life and aligning myself with God's purpose for my life.

While volunteering I will also be blogging about my personal time with God. What I'm learning, how it's impacting my life, and changes that I see I need to make in my life. I am hopeful that this too will help me align myself with God's will. '

I hope that you read and participate in this adventure by also stepping out in faith and praying to God, whether you believe or you don't, and if so moved, giving time to an organization you believe in. It is beautiful.